While in Australia, I heard from a friend about the war…waged by helpless animals on baffled citizens.

And the animals were emus.

WHAT?

I mean, they’re not dangerous as long as they’re respected…

(Apparently, they’re sensitive birds which have their own personality, and despise being disrespected.)

The first thing I did was stare at her in disbelief, later creating a mental note to research on this strange phenomenon. After all, how could these innocent, friendly, curious, affable and unique creatures be involved in emu warfare?

A quick backstory on the Great Emu War, as it was termed, in 1932, emus began running amok, running amok through the agricultural fields and farms of World War 1 veterans. These farms were situated in Western Australia, well-known as “Emu Country”. Over 20,000 emus were reported to be stomping across fields throughout Western Australia, and gradually became classified as vermin.

Soldiers equipped with arms, ammunition and machine guns launched an open attack on the species, launching full blown attacks every day, resorting to guerilla warfare, close-range shooting and military strategies. Th result was that almost all the emus escaped the attacks, with only a 100 birds killed, guns failing, machines breaking down and the chaos ending in 38 days.

It has to be the most hilarious incident I’VE EVER HEARD OF.

Coincidentally, that day, I was reading about World War 1 and 2, having borrowed an encyclopedia of formidable size(AND OF CONSIDERABLE BULK TOO. I BROKE MY ARM CARRYING IT AROUND). After listening to the story of the emus, a sudden thought jumped into my mind.

I began to wonder, when countries clash, there is such a long sequence of events, from the initiation of the war, to the sanctions being placed, to the Allies and Axis Powers, to different states and nations picking their sides, to cities being ravaged and towns being wiped out, to the conclusion, the hearings, the courts, the judgments, the prisoners and criminals. It leaves an everlasting scar in everyone’s hearts and minds, with millions killed and injured, with economies nosediving and because of all that, individuals have to rebuild their life as it slowly returns to its original state. Even then, it already has caused so much damage and a profound impact on the world.

But, what could you possibly do to emus, to animals?

If you try placing sanctions on them…

That’s just not POSSIBLE.

They would just continue rampaging and roaming to wherever they liked. Who are they to care about what humans say?

If we tried attacking them, that would enrage them further! The next thing you’d know, they would be tromping through your house like THEY were the owners.

And I mean, they have even lesser restrictions than us! Some can fly, some are extremely fast, some are so adorable(LIKE PANDAS AND WALLABIES AND QUOKKAS AND KOALAS AND WOMBATS)I would just drop any weapon I had and let them go their blissful, carefree way.

Unlike human wars, a war with animals would last a meagre amount of time, there would be little to no downfall to any country, and they would simply return to their jungle habitats and co-exist with us once more. Even if we were humiliated because we were defeated…

ITS NOT LIKE IT WOULD MATTER TO THEM ANYWAY. THEY WOULD JUST CONTINUE MUNCHING ON BAMBOO STICKS AND GRASS AND FOOD AND LIVE THEIR LIVES LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED.

Although, the thought of warfare against animals sounds extremely hilarious. We’d go marching out with pride onto the battlefield and find our “potentially dangerous” competitors either staring at us in confusion, rolling around in shrubs, munching on vegetation or changing their own prey. I doubt any of them would pay us the slightest heed.

And then 10 years into the future, we’ll be laughing and guffawing over stories, comics, epics and tales of the “Great Animal War”.

However, if we went into combat with wildlife, I’m certain we would lose. After all, they were the first inhabitants of Earth, and many are forces of nature to be reckoned with! I’m sure countless life-forms have learnt to adapt and strategize, surviving in extreme environments every single day.

What do you think?

I’m still trying to hold in my laughter at the thought, as I’m pretty sure Em’s beginning to suspect that I’m not listening to whatever she’s ranting on about☹.

“OW! STOP HITTING ME!”

Sometimes I wonder whether Em is an emu in disguise…

Who knows?

Signing off…